


Milk & Black Spiders

by datacream



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Reg Takes Care of Himself, Romantic Fluff, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, negative self-talk, self-care
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:49:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26983162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datacream/pseuds/datacream
Summary: Reginald Barclay finally learns what it means to take care of himself, and learns how to take care of others in the process. When the Enterprise takes aboard a new Engineer, they take interest in Reg and become fast friends - but how far does this friendship go?
Relationships: Reginald Barclay/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 15





	Milk & Black Spiders

The day in the life of an anxious wreck in Starfleet looked something like Reginald Barclays. 

At 0500 hours his alarm startled him awake from his place half buried under the sheets. He yawned and stretched in the cool morning air he programmed for sleeping. Soon the temperature would reach a moderate 68 degrees in his quarters. He trudged barefoot to the half opened closet to rummage for his gym bag. One sniff of the clothing he pulled from the duffle wrinkled his nose, and he flung the dirty clothes towards the laundry basket. Half of them missed the edge and laid rumpled on the floor. He pulled a clean set of clothes and dressed himself in a plain white t-shirt and loose shorts. You could see a set of swim jammers peeking out from the bottom of the shorts, stopping right at his knees. He donned plain white gym shoes and headed for the door.

The gym locker room was empty at this time of morning, just the way he liked it. It wouldn’t be for another hour that other personnel would start to trickle in for their morning workouts. He would usually get by with a casual ‘good morning’ on his way out. He dropped his bag on a bench and reached for his usual locker, punching in his personal code to retrieve a water bottle. He rinsed it and filled it back with filtered water. He undressed and placed his clothing in the locker, locking it behind him on his way out of the locker room. 

Walking into the pool room caused the automatic lights to flick on. He took a big gulp from his bottle and set it at the edge of the pool, along with his commbadge. He stretched his arms high, then back down to touch his toes. He did a few lunges and other various stretches, then without hesitation dove into the water. The splash echoed throughout the empty pool room. 

He had come to the conclusion that frequent exercise was going to be his only saving grace at helping him maintain any routine for himself to get back into the real world. It wasn’t without its difficulties starting off, sleeping past his alarm, skipping a few days, but with some encouragement from Counselor Troi and a few checks and balances he was able to get the habit ingrained. It had been 3 months since he had stepped foot on the holodeck, and lately he didn’t mind the idea of never going back. 

He breached the water on the opposite side of the pool, took a few deep breaths, then stroked his way back down to the other side. He would do laps like this for another half an hour before his limbs started to give way and turn into jelly. He hoisted himself up out of the water and flopped onto the hard edge of the pool and tried to control his breathing to catch his breath. He downed the rest of the water in his water bottle and stretched back to lay on the wet tile. 

Once he could catch his breath he got up to head back to the locker room. He toweled off and changed quickly, glancing around to make sure the room was still empty as he changed into his shorts. He filled his water bottle again as he headed for the weight room. He had set a personal goal of one day being able to do a one-armed pushup, but learned the hard way not to rush. Besides, the chin-up bar gave him enough trouble as it was. The last time he overworked himself he had to skip a few steps in his routine before the muscle strain subsided. While he debated seeing Dr. Crusher, for once he didn’t want to explain himself since he knew the direct cause, so he bore the brunt of his impatience for a few days. 

Lifting weights became easier over the past few months, and he had added on gradually. While he was doing this for maintaining mental health, he couldn’t help but notice the subtle change of his physique along the way. Watching himself for proper positioning in the mirror across the room, he noticed the ripple of muscle in his thighs as he came back up from a squat. He definitely wasn’t one to boast, actually he would hate any attention at all when it came to his body, but it helped him feel a little bit more comfortable in his own skin.

Downing the remaining water from his bottle, he wiped himself of his workout sweat and retrieved his bag from his locker. He got lucky today and only passed one crew member in the hall on the way back to his quarters for a shower. He nodded briefly and ducked his head. It was 0615 when he relaxed against the sonic shower wall, the warmth engulfing him and soothing his worked body. 

After donning a new clean pressed uniform, he ordered breakfast from the replicator. “Two eggs over easy, wheat toast, and a banana-strawberry smoothie.”

“Specify species of egg.” The computer retorted.

Barclay smirked, he almost started to like this game they played every morning. “Surprise me.”

The plate materialized before him, and he had realized that the computer overdid itself this morning. Two large red yolks sat atop two deceptively small pieces of toast. “Ostrich today I see.” He took the plate and the awkwardly intricate smoothie glass and sat, debating how to tackle the monstrous meal. Before he dug in he quickly returned to the replicator. “Cloth napkin please.” He also learned the hard way of spilling his breakfast on himself before duty. 

He pulled up the book he had been reading on his PADD while he ate. The Man in the Iron Mask by Alexandre Dumas. It was his second time through the book, and he sought to draw out inspiration for his own writing this time around. In this rendition, D'Artagnan and the Three Musketeers plot to replace the King of France with his twin brother. 

Writing had become another habit of his. While it was another form of escape of sorts for him, it showed how he was able to organize his thoughts. And he enjoyed it too, and could share it with others, should he ever decide to. The only person he had opened up this new side of himself to was Counselor Troi, and she had encouraged him for it, going so far to give him new ideas for when he got stuck on a scene or where to take the story next. In fact, he and the counselor were past the awkward hurdle of her discovering his holodeck version of her, and had become good friends. Probably what he would call his best friend even, her being his counselor aside. They spent time together in Ten-Forward on occasion, and he became comfortable speaking to her on a regular basis. She had invited him to poker night in her quarters one evening, but when finding out that Commander Riker would be present, he declined. Being around the Commander still made his palms clammy, and he didn’t think that was a good sign. 

Barclay finished up his breakfast, leaving a few bits of crust behind, and returned the dishes to the replicator. He checked the time, 0645. Between now and 0745 he allowed himself time to be aimless. He could read more, he could write, he could watch a holo program. He debated picking up learning old Earth French at some point, but had yet to open the language program he downloaded. However if he didn’t pick an activity soon, he would find himself concentrating on his heart rate, his brow would crease, and he would have to fight the urge to browse Starfleet medical database looking for an answer to a problem he didn’t actually have. He picked up his PADD and started from where he left off in his book. He snatched a notebook from the coffee table and sat on the couch, jotting down notes as he scrolled down the page. Before long a soft chime from the computer let him know it was time to head down to Engineering for duty.

“Mornin’ Reg.” Commander LaForge greeted him with a hidden smile as he entered engineering at 0755, just early enough to catch up on overnight happenings before the 0800 meeting. Geordi hadn’t yet gotten used to Barclay showing up for duty on time, much less early.

“Good morning Commander.” Barclay greeted softly and reviewed the logs from last night while he waited for the other crew to arrive. Only a few fluctuations piqued his interest, but it was also noted that the Biology department were performing some routine tests over night which could have caused the flux. He would make note to double check before the end of his shift to make sure there were actually no anomalies. 

The remainder of the crew filed in on time almost like clockwork, each greeting Geordi and Barclay in turn. Barclay nodded in kind but stayed quiet. Everyone gathered around the long work table and waited for Geordi to start the morning assignments.

“Okay everyone,” Geordi sighed. “Doesn’t look like much is on the docket today. We’ll be docking at Starbase 46 tomorrow at 0900 to receive a new member of our Engineering staff. As we all know our very own Ensign Edwards has taken a position on the Napoleon to help with a refit.” Geordi paused to let a round of ‘congratulations’ echo for his departing staff member. “Tomorrow evening we will have a small gathering in Ten-Forward as a going away party, as well as to welcome our new Lieutenant.” Geordi set down his PADD that he had been fiddling with. “Until then, it’s smooth sailing. Look busy, clean your work stations, find things to untangle. Dismissed.”

Barclays’s shoulders relaxed and he took a seat at the console opposite of Geordi’s office. He ran a finger across the top of the panel and looked at his finger to check the amount of dust that might have gathered. He should have known it would be squeaky clean, but he rubbed his fingers together trying to feel for a hint of grime anyway. He had just sanitized each station he worked at the previous day, like he did most days, unless he got unusually busy or was sent elsewhere to work. 

Barclay sighed and rested his chin in his left palm as his right hand worked at the controls. He scanned all major systems, just to be safe. He decided now would be a good time to look into those fluctuations. 

“Hmmm..” He mumbled to himself as a yellow dot appeared in a diagram. He switched the screen to magnify to get a fix on where this error might be. The diagram showed it to be at junction 24 within the jefferies tubes. He turned in his chair to catch a glimpse of Geordi disappearing into his office. “C-commander!” 

Geordi poked his head out. “Yeah Reg?” 

“I think I- there's a thing.” He winced at his own words. Don’t be such a div Barclay for Christ’s sake.

Geordi wandered over. “A thing? What’d you find?” He leaned over him to take a peek at the console. “Ah, yeah Biology said there might be some fluctuations, maybe one of the connectors blew. Do you wanna go take a look at it?” He leaned a hip on the console and patiently waited for Barclay to reply.

“Yes, sir, I’ll uh, I’ll go take a look at it.” Barclay nodded in agreement. “Right away.” He added as he bolted from his seat.

Geordi smirked at his friend. “Thanks Reg!” He called behind him as Barclay darted toward the entrance to the jefferies tubes. 

Barclay crawled down the tubes to the next junction and climbed the ladder with practiced expertise, even with a small toolbox in hand. He may be clumsy at times but he was in his element in the belly of the Enterprise. The junction up ahead gave way to a wider crawlway where he could nearly stand upright. Down the crawlway and at the next right he was at junction 24. 

“Ah-ha!” He nearly startled himself at his own sudden exclamation. Before him was a dangling wire. It merely needed to be plugged back in. 

With that taken care of, he slumped against the side of the crawlway and picked at a frayed piece of rubber on the floor. “‘I found a thing Commander.’” He mocked himself in a tone as if he were someone else. “Learn to think before you speak Broccoli.” He rolled his eyes and scrunched his face. The terrible nickname that Wesley Crusher had come up for him had been long discontinued, but staring into the Captain’s face as he accidentally addressed him as such still flashed back to him on occasion. 

He collapsed all the way to the floor, the non-slip nodes in the floor digging into his back. He realized he had never really looked up at the low ceiling of the jefferies tube before. A few neatly bound cables ran vertically above him, and eventually split off down in even sections around the walls and into the flooring. He traced the mesh that grouped the wires with his finger, noting the texture. He followed the wiring all the way down, and found a section that had previously been repaired. The joint of the repair was misshapen, a bump was visible in the insulation of the cable. This looks like Crusher's work…

"LaForge to Barclay." Geordi’s voice suddenly buzzed from his commbadge.

He jumped and his hand flew to his chest. 

"How's it going in there? The reading is coming back clear." Geordi continued.

“I-its fine Commander, it’s been repaired. I found some cabling that needs to be tidied, I-I’ll work on that next.” Barclay managed to get through his initial shock of sudden noise to squeak out a reply.

“Sounds good. Let me know your status after that’s done. LaForge out.”

Barclay quickly smoothed out the wiring issue and went to look for any more odd looking cables. A few spots here and there down the small crawlway led him on a wild goose chase to the next junction. 

“LaForge to Barclay.”

Barclay jumped and dropped his scanner. “Barclay h-here.” His voice cracked on an inhale and led him into a coughing fit. 

“You okay Reg? It’s past lunch time, do you wanna take a break and grab a bite to eat?” Geordi sounded concerned.

Barclay cleared his throat finally. “Yes, actually, that sounds good. I’m on my way.” 

Geordi met Reg at the entrance to the jeffrees tubes and clapped his shoulder. “I’m starvin’ man, let's go.”

Ten Forward was less busy at this time, the lunch rush had died down for the day. The pair sat at a table near the view ports and attempted casual conversation. Reg was much more comfortable with Geordi these days and had considered him a friend. They would usually have lunch together a couple times a week, unless there was something else more pressing. Silence between them also became comfortable. 

Geordi broke the silence as they waited for their meals. “You’ve come a long way Reg.”

Reg’s head snapped from looking out through the view port at the stars to Geordi’s attention. “No, no I-” He waved a hand. “It’s not enough.” He lowered his voice and glanced down at the table. 

“No.” Geordi leaned forward on his elbows on the table. “I mean it.”

“Pfft, you think getting up early and coming into duty on time is a long way?” Reg dismissed the sentiment and looked at Geordi seriously. “You do it every day.”

Their discussion was interrupted by their food arriving and being sat in front of them.

“In any case Reg, I know for you it’s … different.” Geordi adjusted his plate as he spoke and picked up his fork.

Reg took a deep breath and looked down at his food. “Right…” Suddenly he wasn’t hungry. He picked at a piece of lettuce and finally popped it into his mouth. The crunch was deafening, but he took another few quick bites of the terrible, fiber-laden vegetable. The vegan replicated version of chicken however was much more palatable. 

The remainder of the day after lunch consisted of Barclay going through some training of routine maintenance and scans with a few ensigns. He was able to guide the newer personnel without incident, even if he had to think on a question before answering. On duty in his element he was much more comfortable. With Geordi having confidence in his ability as an engineer, it gave him a bit of a boost as well. 

Reg sighed as he fell into his couch at 1600 hours. He stretched out and pulled down a weighted blanket from the top of the cushions. Deanna had given him the blanket a few weeks ago to try. Supposedly, the weight of the blanket would help release serotonin in the brain to help calm him. 

“Deep touch pressure therapy…” He mused aloud, repeating the part of the explanation Deanna had given him that sounded the most clinical. The blanket was definitely warm enough, and the pressure did seem to deflate his anxiousness of leaving duty for the day. 

After hours were a bit of a blessing and a curse. If he had a personal project, it was so easy to stay up late tinkering and still get to work on little sleep. The lulls between projects however left him feeling empty, and yet somehow unable to take interest in anything else so easily. 

Barclay sighed and rolled over to face the back of the couch, eyeing a triangular pattern in the pill of the fabric. Maybe something interesting will happen tomorrow evening. 

Barclay was startled awake by a chirp from his commbadge. He rose from the couch and rubbed at his face, feeling the faint lines the couch imprinted. “B-Barclay here.” He cleared his throat.

“Hey Reg, do ya wanna join us for a round or two of poker? Beverly needs to lose her streak.” Geordi’s broad smile could even be heard in his voice.

“He’s just tired of losing.” Beverly could be heard in the background, followed by a few laughs.

Barclay half smiled to himself in his groggy state. “I’m afraid I won’t be much help, but I-I’ll join you shortly.” He stood up abruptly as his commbadge chirped off. Oh-no. He paced a few steps debating on how to delicately cancel. Deciding that he couldn’t cancel after just agreeing, he took a deep breath and strode out of his quarters towards Deanna’s. He at least knew that their games were held there.

Barclay rang the door and was promptly let in. Uproarious laughter greeted him as he nervously stepped through the threshold. “Reg! Reg Reg c’mere.” Geordi stood and brought over a chair between him and Beverly. 

“Hey Reg.” Deanna greeted him with a smile.

“Good evening Mr. Barclay.” Data peered up at him from behind his dealer's visor as he shuffled for their next round.

“You’re goin’ down buddy.” Beverly playfully sneered at him as he took a seat beside her. 

Barclay adjusted his chair and scooted himself closer to the table. He felt a little relief with Commander Riker not being present. “Heh, I probably am.” He fiddled with his hands on the table waiting to be dealt cards.

Beverly nudged him playfully with her elbow. “Don’t worry, not everyone can be as good as me.”

“The game is five card stud, nothing wild, ante up.” Data began dealing the first round of cards. 

“I bet ten.” Deanna placed a chip in the middle of the table.

“And I’ll raise you.” Beverly tossed in two ten chips.

Reg peered at the cards, barely lifting the edges. A pair of seven’s… well it could be worse. But, nothing to lose. “I call.” He tossed a chip into the growing pile in the middle of the table.

“I fold.” Geordi sighed.

The next set of cards were dealt, revealing another seven and an eight, giving Reg three of a kind. He quirked his eyebrow and glanced at Beverly’s reaction.

“I’m out.” Deanna tossed her cards towards Data.

Beverly glanced at Reg. “I’ll call.”

“I’ll raise you.” Reg tossed in another ten chip.

“Oh? Feeling pretty good over there Mr. Barclay?” Beverly revealed her hand. “Two pair!” 

Reg flipped over his cards almost sheepishly. “T-three of a kind.”

“It appears you have won this round Mr. Barclay.” Data began collecting the cards.

“You snake!” Beverly chided him with a smile. “Who knew!” She quirked an eyebrow at Deanna.

“Now that’s what I’m talkin about.” Geordi clapped Reg on the back playfully with a wide grin.

Reg was flushed from all of the attention but was shyly grinning from ear to ear. “I uh, beginners luck.” He shrugged as if he could remove everyone’s eyes off of him.

The game continued with Reg keeping toe to toe with Beverly, until he ran out of steam and began to lose hand after hand. He had to admit though, this was fun. Deanna gave him encouraging glances from across the table and Geordi kept making him laugh. A guffaw turned into a huge yawn and everyone took that as a sign. They had been at it for nearly two hours.

“Good night everyone.” Geordi, Data and Beverly took their leave.

Reg stayed behind to help Deanna tidy up the cards, chips and fold away the poker table. 

“You sure had fun tonight.” Deanna began jovially, smiling at Reg.

Reg couldn’t hold back his bright smile. “Yeah, I did.” He set down the case of poker chips and slid them back under the couch for storage. “I didn’t think I’d actually win at all.”

“You never know unless you take a chance and try.” Deanna smiled up at him. Her onyx Betazoid eyes twinkled with delight that her friend was poking his head out of his shell.

Reg’s smile turned shy as he dipped his head slightly and plucked at his thumbnail. “I suppose you’re right, I mean, well, you’re always right.”

Deanna placed a hand on his to stall his fidgeting. “I’m not always right… Just most of the time.” She smirked. “Good night Mr. Barclay.” She removed her hand from his.

Reg felt the heat in his cheeks rise as he resigned his hands to his side. “Good night Deanna.” He softly bid her goodbye and headed out the door. 

Back in his quarters, Reg checked the time. Tract, 2315, I didn’t realize it was so late. He debated on whether or not to skip eating altogether, and cursed himself for falling asleep right after duty. I guess I should at least have a snack, maybe just some milk. He ordered a big glass of warm milk for himself and nearly choked while gulping it down. A line ran down his chin and he wiped it away with the back of his hand as he returned the glass to the replicator.

He resigned to quickly brush his teeth before attempting to settle himself into bed. He nestled his head against a soft sparkly pillow and curled up into a little ball. Sleep came quickly that night for Reginald Barclay.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! This is my first time writing Reg and I just wanted to give him a lot of love and care.


End file.
